


The Past is a Grotesque Animal, But Even Apocalypse is Fleeting

by Athenaash



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: (it's ARFID), Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Eating Disorders, Feral TommyInnit (Video Blogging RFP), Flashbacks, Foster Care, Gen, Kid Fic, Mental Health Issues, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Technoblade, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Sleepy Boys Inc - Freeform, Stimming, Swearing, Tommy POV, Tommy and Tubbo have ADHD, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Updating tags, vent fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:49:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27593699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athenaash/pseuds/Athenaash
Summary: Tommy will make it to his 18th birthday, and nothing was gonna stop him from getting out, and getting safe.====POV I work on my trauma through Tommy
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & TommyInnit, No Romantic Relationship(s), Ranboo & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 116
Kudos: 1170





	1. TommyInnit moves and he's kinda really pissed about it

**Author's Note:**

> Beep beep! Content warnings for this chapter include: scattered mentions of child abuse, injury because of the abuse, stimming, and general foster care stuff. 
> 
> Also! The title is from the song called The Past is a Grotesque Animal by Of Montreal! I smooshed up two lyrics from seperate parts of the song and said it was good. Foster care AU go brrrr.....
> 
> Their ages btw!!
> 
> Tommy: 14  
> Techno: 16  
> Wilbur: 17, almost 18  
> Philza: like 30-40 idk

If Tommy had a nickel for every time he was picked up past 7 pm by his social worker because she found out his foster parents were abusive, he would have two nickels. That wasn’t a lot, but it was weird that it happened more than once, right? He wasn’t banged up too bad, but a few broken ribs and bruises still ached. 

Tommy twists his hands, flapping them in his lap, while his social worker droned on about the home and premade family that was _oh-so-graciously_ letting him into their home. Two already adopted kids, and their dad. They’re probably all shitty, always were. 

Despite the stereotype, Tommy didn’t have much of a problem with his social worker. She wasn’t great, but she was doing her job, never gave him false hope about a new home, just laid everything out as she knew it. And according to her, no complaints have come from this house in the 10 years it’s been taking in kids and spitting them out. He never trusted that though kids stayed quiet, and Tommy did too. 

Tommy only started tensing up when they started reaching the nice side of town; middle-class mother fuckers knew how to do suburbs and that's it. “You take a wrong turn or somethin’, Ms. Sara?” She doesn’t acknowledge him, something she did often, not that Tommy could blame her. “I’ll take that as a nah, these fucks rich or something?” 

“Language,” Sara smirks at him in the mirror, “But I suppose you could say that, I’m sure you could try and squeeze a new phone or clothes out of, huh?”

Tommy laughs, “Yeah, before the fuckers kick me out for biting someone or some shit,”

“You _really_ need to stop biting people,” She jokes, but there’s a hit of seriousness in her tone. “It would be the… 3rd time that I know about,”

“9th time I done it though,” Tommy shifts in his seat, and flaps his hands again, “When are we getting there? Gotta stretch my legs,” Sara taps her GPS, which reads they should be making their way to the place in about three minutes. He groaned and started grabbing his shit. Which was, obviously, in a couple’a Walmart bags. 

Sara pulled off the road, and into a driveway of a fairly nice house, with the lights on inside. She busies herself upfront with grabbing his records, and turns around to Tommy, “I can give you five minutes, do you need to do one of your deep breathing exercises?”

Tommy rolls his eyes, “I haven’t needed those since I was like 10,” that was a lie, but he appreciated the break. Pulling his phone out of his back pocket, he sighed, “Do you know these guys’ phone policy?” When Sara shakes her head, he pushes it into the bottom of his bag. “I’m ready,”

Sara’s hand barely finished knocking when the door swung open, revealing a middle-aged, blonde man. They exchange a few words that Tommy doesn’t bother to follow, trying his best to avoid panicking. “Tommy? I’ll see you next week, stay out of trouble,” He nods a Sara.

As soon as she leaves, the man turns to him, “Tommy right? I’m Phil, uh- we’d normally give you a full welcome party, but well, it’s 2 am, and I’m not sure anyone would appreciate being woken up!” He smiles at Tommy, who has to resist the urge to gag, “And it’s a… different situation than normal.”

Tommy raises his eyebrows, and shrugs, “Don’t care, I’m ready to pass out,” He wasn’t, the adrenaline pumping through his veins wouldn’t leave him alone. 

“Right! Well, uh, I’ll end up moving you into your own room, which is right in the middle of my two other kid's, but for tonight are you ok with sleeping on the couch? Or the floor, whichever you prefer! I already grabbed some bedding for you, set up anywhere down here, just don’t go upstairs, Techno, one of my kids, is a real light sleeper,”

Tommy just nods, and makes his way over to the thick stack of blankets, “The bathroom is the first door down the hallway over there-” Phil snapped his fingers, “Oh shit- er, shoot, do you need to get any food in you? If so, the kitchen is that’a way, you can take anything in the cabinets and fridge, except for the things with a name on em,” He smiled at Tommy, who tried his hardest to not feel glad about that.

“Sorry kid, you head to bed, I’ll be staying up in case you need me, ok? I’ve already sent an email to my boss about me not coming in tomorrow,” Phil pauses, “This is a lot to take in, I get it if you need _anything,_ don’t hesitate to ask, our library, where I’ll be hanging out, is right past the bathroom,” There was no fucking way Tommy would do anything of the sort. 

“You’re the boss!” Tommy flashed him one of his winning smiles, and flopped down on the couch, the adult hovered for a few more seconds, before taking the hint and disappearing down a hallway with a small frown. 

As soon as he leaves, Tommy’s hands start flapping, and he tried his hardest to quiet his small cries, hoping his new ‘dad’ would have the decency to let him have his breakdown alone. New homes, no matter the reason he moved, were always shit. You had to learn the new rules, new dynamics, new fucking _everything_.

There was always a point where Tommy became ‘too much’ when his foster parents decided an angry, hyper kid was too much to deal with, and they spat him out or started throwing punches. Sometimes they started out bad too. If there were kids there it was always worse. Either the parents prioritized their adopted or bios, or left us to fight amongst themselves.

When Tommy’s tears finally cleared up, he snatched his phone and charger from his bags. It didn’t take long for him to find a port, and he made sure to send off a few texts to Tubbo, one of the kids he knew from a group home a few years back - the only person who gave much of a shit about him nowadays. _‘Hey Tub got out of previous home, don’t know about new one, 2 other kids’_ He didn’t respond, obviously, it was almost three am for the both of them.

Tommy didn’t even try unfolding the blankets laid out for him, knowing there was no fucking way he was gonna end up falling asleep. He instead busied himself with scrolling through Twitter. 

Around two hours passed til Tubbo responded, _‘u able to VC?? wld like 2 make sure ur ok! <3’_. Tommy didn’t hesitate to retrace his steps, making his way to the front lawn he saw earlier. Tubbo picked up on the first ring, “ _Tommy!_ ” He pulled his phone away from his ear, not expecting his friend’s voice to be so loud. “ _Why were you removed from the people before? Are you safe?!_ ”

Tommy smiled, “Yeah, uh- you know, the usual? They threw me around sometimes, kicked me a bit too much, and ended up with me needing to send a chat to Sara, she picked me up around 11, then I was in the hospital for a bit,” he leaned back on his arm, “So uh- I’m in pain, a couple’a broken ribs never feel good, as you know,” 

That snags a laugh out of Tubbo, “ _Yeah, no shit Tommy! Did you even get pain meds out of it?_ ” He paused, “ _Oh shit, probably not right? Do you wanna know about the addiction rates for the major prescription painkillers?_ ”

“I really, _really_ don’t Tubbo,” Tommy smirks as his friend starts talking about it anyway, Tubbo’s voice soothing him enough to finally take a few deep breaths (sorta- his ribs still hurt), and have a more level head about the situation. They talked for about another hour before Tubbo’s foster brother stirred, and he had to hang up. 

“ _Bye Tommy! Stay safe,_ ”

“I will, you too,” The click of the phone in his ear made Tommy frown, but he stood up - his ribs screeching in protest. Tommy would make it through this home, there was no fucking way they’d end up breaking him, he’d made it through worse, and he’d do it again if he had to. 


	2. TommyInnit meets his new foster brothers! He fucking hates them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings for this chapter: scattered mentions of abuse, and stimming!
> 
> SBI kids are finally together!!! Not fans of each other tho <3 (which'll be highlighted soon!)

Tommy jumped when he heard Phil knock on the door frame, jolting him from his thoughts. “Hey, kid! I’m just about to wake up Techno and Wilbur,” He looks to the blankets on the table, and frowns, but shakes his head and changes the subject before it starts, “Do you wanna take a shower? I heard from your social worker you have two broken ribs, so I got Advil out for you!”

He takes the medicine out of Phil’s hand - taking a second to look it over - and downs it with the water he provides, “Yeah! A shower sounds like a good idea,” Tommy makes a show out of sniffing his armpits and making a face, which pulls out a laugh from Phil. 

“I have a bag of clothes you can pick from if you don’t have any,” Phil takes a bag off his elbow, “And I showed you where the bathroom was last night!” 

Tommy grabs the bag off him, and smiles, “You got it, dude,” he shoots the adult a wink, and grabs all his shit before making his way to the bathroom; a shower  _ did _ sound nice. 

* * *

Shaking out his hair, Tommy took a deep breath before making his way out of the shower, barely prepared for the experience of meeting his new foster siblings. He took a moment to flap his hands, and tap his fingers on his face. Realistically, there was no way he could know what they were like… but that wasn’t gonna stop him from panicking about it. 

They could be horrible and borderline abusive, or they could be the people he goes to when things go south. Tommy scowls into his hands, and tries to contain his breathing (with little avail). All too quickly, he spiraled into hyperventilating, thoughts sneaking their way into his head, a panic attack trying to claw its way out of his throat. Tommy scratched at the scars on his legs, and took in a few deep breaths, deciding to get dressed before having a breakdown in an unfamiliar bathroom. 

There weren’t too many clothes in Phil’s bag that fit him, so Tommy had to settle for blue jeans that were just a little too tight, and a blue shirt that draped over his features. They were better than what he came with, at least. Tommy scowled at the comb on the sink, but ended up trying to wrestle with the rats nest he called his hair.

He was able to yank the comb through his locks a few times before his hair looked at least somewhat presentable. Tommy sighed at himself in the mirror, and pulled at the skin on his face before smirking at himself. He moved to stretch, but the sharp pain in his ribs when his arms went over his head reminded him overwise. 

He didn’t allow himself any time to back out when he walked out of the bathroom, hair dripping water onto his shoulders. Now that he was… significantly calmer than last night, Tommy was able to take in the house he’s found himself in. Pictures covered the walls, featuring a pink-haired teen with glasses and buck teeth, and a brown-haired kid who- hell he looks like he grew up here. 

Tommy nearly doesn’t realize when he makes it to the dining room, trying to take in the house. It was cozy, well-lived in. Pictures lined the walls detailing a family he’d always be stuck out of; it wouldn’t be too long until he ended up on the doorstep, waiting for Sara’s car to come to whisk him off into the newest home. 

The brown-haired kid smirked at Tommy when he was noticed, he started chanting ‘Fresh meat!’ but he was cut off by Phil poking his head out of the kitchen, “Tommy! It says you don’t have any allergies, is that true? I’m just making pancakes right now, but if you want anything else let me know,”

Tommy stood in the hallway for a few seconds, before he felt someone push through him, forcing him to jump out of the way. The brown-haired kid groans, “Hey TB, you sleep last night?” TB just yawned, and flipped off his brother (?), Phil only laughing at their antics. 

Phil smiled at Tommy when he noticed him, “Hey! How was your shower? YOu can take a seat wherever, we don’t have any assigned seats,” There were only four chairs, surrounding the circular table, meaning he had to choose between sitting next to TB, or the brunette. He didn’t know if either one of them had a preference- or if they’d get mad if he sat next to them or-

Thankfully, Phil had chosen for him, taking his own seat next to TB after setting breakfast down on the table. Tommy sat down next to the brunette, starting to fidget in his seat when the older teen started staring at him. Phil broke the silence, “Let’s do introductions over breakfast, ok?” He starts grabbing food from the spread, and everyone but Tommy joins in on it. “My name is Philza Watson, but you can call me Phil, or pretty much anything you want! My pronouns are he/him. Technoblade, you next please?”

The pink-haired kid jolts a little, not expecting to be talked to it looked like, “I’m Technoblade, TB, Techno, whatever nicknames er- my last name is Watson too, picked it up when Phil adopted me, don’t care much for the bio family. My pronouns are he/they,” He pauses, “Wil, you go, asshole,”

The brunette sticks his tongue out at Techno, “I’m Wilbur Soot-Watson or Wil, Dad picked me up like- 13 years ago I think?” Phil nodded, “Yeah, 13. Uh, my pronouns are he/him too,” He shoves food in his mouth, and speaks in a muffled voice when addressing Tommy, “Who’re you kid?”

Tommy’s hands flapped, but he quickly stopped them, “My name is Tommy! I don’t got a last name I care about, and I’ve been bouncing around since I was- I think I was four?” He shrugged, and tried for a joke, “You guys can all refer to me as Alpha Male exclusively though,” shooting finger guns at the people surrounding the table. 

Wilbur next to him snorted into his hand, “Ok  _ child _ ,” Tommy tries not to let his heart drop too far, and just smirks at the person next to him. “Eat your food, we have a big day ahead of us, fuckin- Phil’s gonna take you out to get some necessities,”

Phil coughs to get all of their attention, looking somewhat upset, “It’s ok for you to get food Tommy, but Wil? Everyone is going out, Techno, you too,” TB lets out a loud groan, and lets his head fall on the table with a small  _ thunk _ . 

Tommy stares at Phil for a second, and says, “Not hungry, what’re the rules; you gotta have em yeah?” He leans forward, placing his elbows on the table, supporting his chin with his hands. 

Phil frowns, and the look on his face is akin to pity - which Tommy tries so hard not to get angry at, “Not really, keep yourself safe, and we have an 11pm curfew!” He taps his chin, and tries to think, looking to his kids for confirmation “If you have a problem with anything, let me know, please,”

Tommy muttered under his breath, kicking up his feet on the table, staring at Phil with a note of challenge spread across his face. Technoblade just started chuckling at him, “Phil isn’t gonna do shit unless you actually start shit kid…” the pink-haired teen let out a deep sigh, when Tommy scowled, “Fuckin’ trust me,” 

Wilbur smacked his hand on the table, causing Tommy to flinch, and drop his feet to the floor, the brunette winced, but didn’t look too upset with the younger’s reactions, “Well, let’s get this show on the fuckin’ road ey?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's pretty light in preparation for the next chapter! I wanna start on an update schedule tbh, should I do it weekly or biweekly? 
> 
> Remeber to take your meds, grab a small snack, and drink some water! If your shoulders or jaw are tensed, loosen them! Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a good night/day :)


	3. Panic attacks in a Nordstrom bathroom typeass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally peeking into Tommy's memtol illness™ so content warnings for this chapter include: self harm, panic attacks, stimming, and self-depreciation/hatred!

It didn’t take long for everyone to get ready; Technoblade just ran to their room and adorned a  _ Burger King _ crown before getting into the car, sat in the backseat with Tommy. The ride to the mall was short, and Tommy didn’t bother to pay much attention to what was happening around him, trying to focus on shoving the panic bubbling in his chest down. The noise surrounding him was almost choking, TB’s music, while Phil and Wilbur were talking in the front made him want to rock back and forth, ripping his hair out. 

He didn’t get the chance to freak out on them before the car came to a slow stop. The other two teens didn’t waste any time in exiting the Subaru, so Tommy didn’t either. “Fucking Nordstrom? Really Phil?” Techno raised his eyebrows at his dad, a jokingly disapproving look on his face.

Wilbur just laughed, “Ok Mx. I-only-shop-at-Hot-Topic,” TB pushed his brother hard enough he almost toppled over. Phil leveled them both with a glare that shut them up efficiently. 

When they finally picked up a shopping cart, Phil smiled at Tommy. “So! Grab five shirts, and five pants you want please, and then we’ll head over to another store for room decoration, alright?” the store was big enough that they had to take a moment, its two stories were filled with middle-class adults that didn’t have anything better to do on a Wednesday morning.

Tommy shoved his hands into his pockets when he realized he was flapping them, overwhelmed with everything going on around him. Picking out the pants was easy enough for the teen, just a few jeans that felt comfy enough to wear. But when it came to shirts- there were just so many fucking  _ options _ . And what if he chose a graphic shirt and someone thought it was ugly? Or if he chose plain shirts and everyone thought he was boring or-

Phil interrupted his thoughts by talking to Wilbur and Techno, “Ok kids, wanna head around to the other shops you want to go to?” A shot of panic went through Tommy at this, he was going to be  _ alone _ with the adult- he could do anything he wanted with the younger kid and no one would ever know, “I sent you both $50, don’t spend it all in one place,” His foster siblings’ light-hearted bickering as they walked away put a smile on Phil’s face.

Tommy’s shoulders scrunched up, and he started fidgeting with his hands when he felt Phil’s gaze turn to him, the teen ready for the harsh words that always came, he tried to shove his panic down. But it was to little avail, sweat starting to bead out of his forehead. “What size are you?”

“In uh- shirts? A medium,” Phil nodded, and asked his favorite color, “Red and white, though I like most of them, why?” Tommy was handed two shirts, one was a mustard yellow with a wave pattern on the front, while the other had a nice white/blue gradient and breast pocket. Both were cotton and had a soft enough texture that Tommy didn’t immediately recoil from. 

“Do you like these? If not, we can go onto the next two!” Tommy grabs the blue/white one, and draped it on the side of the cart. ”Yeah, the wave wasn't one of my faves either.”

Running his fingers over his knuckles, Tommy let out a nervous chuckle, “I really gotta piss-” He didn’t, just needed a way  _ away _ from Phil before he spontaneously combusted or had a panic attack in front of the guy, not a good first impression. “I’ll fuck off and find it, you can choose whatever shirts or whatever?” When Phil gave him a thumbs-up and turned back to picking out shirts he thought the teen would like, Tommy tried not to run off as fast as he could. 

The moment he shut the door behind him ( _ single-use bathroom fuck yes _ ), Tommy sunk to the ground, breaths finally coming out in a hurry, hands rushing to flap and dance across the air. He was so  _ stupid _ , he should have never fucking walked away from Phil - he didn’t know if he was just gonna fucking  _ leave _ him, happened before, who’s to say it wouldn’t again. 

Tommy brought one of his hands to his mouth and bit the base of his thumb, trying to ground himself, in reality, any way he could. God, he was so fucking pathetic; he couldn’t be in public for longer than 20 minutes without bursting into tears. He barely noticed when his teeth broke the skin on his palm, blood beading out of the indents he made. 

He pulled his hand out of his mouth, scowling at it. The pain barely made it through the cotton that shoved itself into Tommy’s head, and he started to dig his nails into his legs, trying to feel  _ something _ that didn’t feel so far away; so muted. His head swirled with colors that didn’t make sense, the breaths coming out of him were stabs of pain shooting through his chest. 

Dragging his nails over his forearms, Tommy let out a few dry sobs, tears vlogging up in his eyes, yanking out his phone to call Tubbo, who didn’t answer. God- of course, he didn’t answer, Tommy was a clingy fucking  _ bitch _ that only bothered his friends, like a fucking gnat that didn’t know when to buzz off. His fingers went to the bracelet that Tubbo made him so many years ago, green and pink, with a bee charm. 

Tommy was jolted out of his thoughts by his phone buzzing in his pocket. Clicking accept, Tubbo’s voice drifted through the speakers, “ _ H-hello? Tommy? You never call in the day what’s- _ ” He was cut off by a hiccupping sob from Tommy, “ _ Are you safe? _ ”

“Bathroom- Nordstrom,” Tommy put his friend on speaker, and dropped his phone to the ground, hands finding their way to pulling at his hair.

“ _ That’s good! Are you getting new clothes? _ ” Tubbo’s mic picked up noise from him moving, which Tommy let out a whine at, it was  _ loud _ “ _ Sorry, I’m just making my way outside! Since it’s spring, bees have been coming out more often, and I think you’d like looking at the flowers, so I’ll take pictures of them! _ ” 

“Tulips sTill?” Tommy’s voice cracked, but the hands on his hair loosened, giving his roots breathing enough breathing room to start aching. 

“ _ Yeah! I’ve been in the same house for uh- god I think it’s been 3 years at this point? But anyway there’s a real garden, real farm vibes out here! _ ” He pauses, “ _ I’m actually almost positive my foster _ mom , _ Yvonne, grows pretty much everything we eat, _ ” Tubbo’s voice went on for a few more minutes, low, comforting, and as always, stupidly understanding, “ _ How is your er-... breathing? _ ” 

“Jus’ floaty now…” Tommy rubs at his eyes, trying to chase away the fog clouding over his head, pulling every semblance of thoughts from him. 

“ _ Oh yeah! Can you put water on your nec- _ ” Tubbo was cut off by a knock on the door, jolting both of them back into reality. 

“Tommy? Are you ok in there?” Phil’s voice was light, worry lacing the edges. Tommy didn’t trust that, and hung up on Tubbo immediately. “I chose 6 shirts, let me know what ones you do and don’t like when you come out, ok?”

“Just uh- shitting? But yeah, shirts,” There was a pause on the other side of the door before he got a quick confirmation from Phil, and he got up from the floor, making sure to flush the toilet, and turn on the sink for a few seconds.

He was _TommyInnit_ , there was no fucking way anything would keep him down for long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! I had like..7 pages for this, but I had to cut so much of it I-- I'm sorry the ending is so rushed! I wanted to end it on a positive note but :/
> 
> But!! Soon I should be getting out (finally) Tubbo content! (I promise he has more to do in the story than be on the phone with Tommy, I'm using him to vent my religious trauma /lh)
> 
> Remember to: take your meds, drink water, and make sure your jaw/shoulders aren't tense!! I love you all <3


	4. Stop having panic attacks tommy, this isn't healthy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for this chapter are: Stimming, flashback to past CSA (Child Sexual Abuse), graphic descriptions of ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder), and self-deprecation. 
> 
> Sorry, the ending was weird! I never know how to end them and :((

Tommy didn’t get any room decor that day; Phil took one look at him coming out of that restroom and offered to get him a Wetzels Pretzels, and head home with everyone. He ended up throwing away the pretzel, but hey, it was the thought that counted? The thought of food just…- Tommy had to ignore the concerned look Phil gave him. 

The ride back to the house, like the ride to the mall, was short, and uneventful, though Tommy felt nearly everyone’s eyes on him during the drive back, he looked bad. Red and scratched up arms, with a blotchy, tear-stained face. Until everyone made it inside, no words passed between the patchwork family, Tommy taking up space in their car.

“Tommy!” The teen looks up to where Philza is on the stairs, “Let me show you to your room, it’s pretty boring, but there’s a bed, and some storage!” The teen walked to the couch that his stuff was laid beside, packed tightly in the two Walmart bags he came with. “Since your social worker and I agree that it’d be the best for this placement to be long-term-,” Tommy scoffed at that, bullshit, and the adult just sighs, “I’ll make sure to get you a desk,” 

While they were walking up the stairs, Tommy’s eyes couldn’t help catching on the pictures decorating the walls. He finally had names to faces - er, sorta, the pictures up here had the family he was butting into, but there were… other teens too. He wasn’t sure if they were friends, or other foster kids. There was a blonde girl that he could see in a lot of Wilbur’s pictures. 

“Here’s your room!” Philza broke him out of his thoughts by opening a door, and walking through, gesturing for Tommy to follow him.

Tommy’s joints locked when he saw Phil sit on the bed, his throat closing up immediately. His thoughts turned rotten, memories of- of things he’d rather forget fogging over his head, phantom hands grabbing and  _ feeling _ . The adult stood up, catching onto his panicked look and heavy breathing. “Hey- shshh… do you mind breathing for me? Deep breaths kid,”

A hand was placed on his shoulder, and pulled away when Tommy failed to contain the flinch that shook him, his bags falling to the ground with a small thump. The next moments skipped out on his understanding, but Phil was suddenly behind him, outside of the room, and soft music started drifting through the air. Along with someone’s voice reminding him to breathe, “In for 4 seconds” pause, “Out for 5,” pause, “In for 4,” pause, “Out for 5,”

It took a while for Tommy’s breathing to even out, and when he realized what was happening, his face burned red. He was so fucking- fucking  _ useless _ he can’t even walk into a bedroom without having a stupid fucking flashback. The teen was sat on the floor, hands flapping and worrying at his hangnails. 

The next time he looked up, Phil was replaced with Techno, playing music from his phone, which he was scrolling through. “Done with the show, dick?” Tommy stood up, hands shoved in his hoodie to stop from shaking, “I gotta fucking-” His jaw clenches when Technoblade raises their eyes at him, “I gotta  _ settle in _ , or whatever, back off,”

TB laughs, “You and me both know you’ll keep all your shit tightly packed into the bags you came with,” Tommy’s fists clench in his pocket. “I’ll let you settle,  _ alpha male _ ,” their words were harsh, anger seeping through, though his face was kept carefully monotone. 

The pink-haired teen stood up, picking his crown from the floor next to them, walking out of sight, feet barely making a noise as they padded on the floor. Tommy tried to ignore the quiet cries that made their way out of his mouth when he finally shut and locked the door. ( _ Thank god this room had a lock, he always felt safer when there was, even if it was flimsy and useless. _ )

\-------

It was late - nine o'clock - when he heard someone knock on the door. Tommy took to shoving his phone under his mattress before walking up, and opening it, to reveal Phil. “Hey big man,” Is what he managed to say.

“Hey Tommy! Wilbur made dinner tonight, and uh… when I came up earlier to ask for you to come down, I don’t think you heard me,” Phil pushed a plate into Tommy’s hands, “So I brought up a plate of some heated up leftovers,” 

Tommy takes it, and places the plate on the dresser near the table, “Why didn’t cha’ just bust down the door or some shit, aren’t I still a flight risk?” He raised his eyebrow at Phil, crossing his arms and leaning on the doorway, leaning over him by a good five inches, trying to cut the most intimidating figure he could. 

The adult chuckled a bit, “Well, if I didn’t hear you pacing, I probably would’ve worked harder to get you out of your room, but…” He shrugged, “Anyway! I signed you up for the same school Technoblade and Wilbur go to, and I’ll order all of your school supplies by Monday- which is when you start. Is that ok? I know I should’ve asked for your help filling out the paperwork and-” He cut himself off with a sigh. 

“‘s fucking whatever,” Tommy shrugged, “Not like it would’a changed anything yeah?” His hands grip his biceps, and he scowls, “Look just fuckin’- I’m not gonna make any of this easy for you, I’m gonna be a shit, angry, pissy kid that you’re gonna get rid of in a month. Don’t put too much effort in,” 

Phil sighs - for the tenth time today it felt like, “I know you think that, but it’s nothing I’m not prepared for.” He laughs, “I didn’t take child phycology classes for nothing!” 

Tommy’s scowl deepens, “‘m fourteen, not a fuckin’ kid,” he picked up his plate from the dresser, and shoveled a few bites into his mouth, trying to ignore the bile that raised in his throat, “gotta eat, fuck off,” he bit out, words muffled by the sludge in his mouth. 

As soon as the adult shut the door on his way out, Tommy spat the food in his mouth back onto his plate. Even though his stomach protested with loud growls. The thought of food- hell it just made the teen want to vomit at this point. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate, but his sluggish thoughts and fatigue that sunk low into his bones could place it at two to three days. 

It wasn’t even as like he had an eating disorder, he didn’t wanna lose weight. But the feeling of food in his mouth, settling into his stomach was  _ wrong _ . It made his skin crawl and itch, more often than not Tommy just ended up chucking up the food that made its way down into his guts. Like it was poison. 

  
And maybe it was, guess it just depended on the home he was in. Bitter thoughts raced through Tommy’s head, as he ended up trying to shove the food into his mouth, he was  _ hungry _ , not much else mattered to him anymore, he’d end up throwing it up in an hour or so anyway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this one is so angsty, but!! We are peeking into Techno and Tommy's friendship, and I can't wait to get to their designated Bonding ChapterTM!!
> 
> Please remember to: Take your meds, drink water, grab a snack, unclench your jaw/shoulders, and take a 5 minuet break from scrolling if you need it!! I love you all, thank you so much for reading.


	5. Damn a bitch be going to school huh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Stimming, mentions of past abuse, disordered eating

Tommy wasn’t surprised when Phil got him the things he needed for school, he was surprised, however, when they were  _ nice _ supplies. Two dollar mechanical pencils type of shit. They were handed to him without much fanfare the morning before his first day. 

When Monday morning finally came, the teen was filled with nerves. His schedule was manageable, and he wasn’t a  _ dumb _ kid, but Tommy wasn’t smart either. He never had the privilege to put time into school, really. Even when he lived with his bio parents all his time was sent into avoiding the adults, and trying to figure out where his next meal was coming from. 

Tommy didn’t sleep the night before, how could he have? He and Tubbo stayed up all night on call, and the nerves running through his bloodstream made him fidgety and on edge. He shrugged on the uniform Phil laid out for him the night before, making his way downstairs, eyes, as always, catching on the pictures lining the walls. 

Every day he finds something he didn’t see before, this time it’s in the family portrait at the end of the hall. They look…  _ nice _ , like a… like a fucking  _ family _ or whatever. Tommy rushed he was down the stairs, to find the only one awake was Phil, typing away at his computer. 

The teen’s defenses go up when he realizes he’s alone with the adult, scowl pulling around his features. Phil didn’t notice him until Tommy passed through the dining room threshold. “Hey! You’re up early, I was just about to start breakfast,” 

“I ate last night, not hungry,” Tommy kept his voice curt, setting his bag on the chair next to him.

Phil hummed, and smiled at the teen, “You’re allowed to eat more than once a day,” when Tommy just shrugged, he changed the subject, “Oh! Since I didn’t get you a phone yet, could you please come home right after school? Or have one of the other kids let me know where you’re going, and get home by 11!” 

Tommy shrugged, shoving his hands into his uniform pockets “I have- yeah whatever, how am I getting to school?” 

“Wilbur normally drives Techno to school, so he’ll be driving both of you from now on! He’ll drive you home after, unless he wants me to do it,” Phil stood, and Tommy straightened up his shoulders, “I’ll start making breakfast, Techno always wakes up Wilbur, and they’ll be awake pretty soon,”

* * *

Technoblade was the first to walk in, muttering to himself about how it was too early, Wilbur close behind, smelling the air, “Dad, if you didn’t make bacon I’m gonna have another psychotic break,”

Phil laughs, and points his spatula at Wilbur, “Just for you…  _ bacon _ ,” Techno sits themselves down next to Tommy, only grunting in acknowledgment at the kid next to him, who shoots a smile closer to a grimace back. 

Wilbur comes back into the dining room, waving at Tommy, " _ Finally,  _ we see your face, how's holing yourself off in your room been treating you?" Huh. They  _ really _ didn’t hear him climbing out of his window every night, he thought he too loud, and they were just being polite.

The first whole sentence Tommy hears from TB is: "Leave him alone, God knows you do the same fuckin' thing," Wilbur sticks out his tongue in response, and Phil only laughs as he starts setting the food down on the table. 

“Tommy?” Tommy’s head jerked up, meeting Phil’s eyes for a split second before looking away, “Do you have any religious practices you need to do before eating? We can wait for you if needed,” 

Tommy flaps his arms at the attention thrown on him, before shoving them in his pockets, “Nah! God is dead and I killed him, bitch!” Techno is the only one who laughs, and it’s a full-body one too, and Tommy’s face splits into a grin, “If God respawns, I’ll do it again bitch!” 

The youngest only gets a few bites of food into him, before pushing his plate away. He felt sick. When everyone else is done, Phil cuts through the silence, “Wilbur? Techno? Go put on your uniforms, and make sure your homework is in your bags,” 

When the two other teens got back, Tommy was grateful to get out of the awkward silence he was stuck in with Phil. “You’re allowed to wear that?” Tommy looked at the skirt Techno was wearing, and nodded. He could almost feel Wilbur bristling next to him, but didn’t say anything.

“Yuh,” Tommy nodded again, Tb was a person of little words, he could respect that. The kids were herded into Phil’s car, and the drive to his new school was short enough that Tommy’s knees didn’t cramp up when he pulled them up to his chest. 

The front office that he was led to was stuffy, small enough that he felt like the walls were closing in on him. As soon as he walked in, the secretary looked at him over her glasses, “You’re one of the Watson’s new… kids, correct?” Tommy pursed his lips, “Name?”

“Thomas Walker,” She typed it into the computer, and hummed, “Gonna get me my schedule? Map’d be helpful too,” Both were printed out for the teen, and shoved into his hands without much care. 

“Quackity?” A teens head popped out of a backroom, hair covered by a beanie, “This is Tommy, he’s a new Watson kid, you’re gonna show him around, I’ve already written both of you notes,” 

“Yes ma’am!” he gave a fake salute to the old lady, and turned to Tommy, “I’m Quackity, a Junior, lemme see your schedule!” Quackity was suddenly behind his shoulder, a loud shout making him jump, “ _ YO!- _ er, sorry. You got Mrs. V?! That’s great, you’ll like her,” 

Tommy’s back straightened out, and he slapped a smile on his face, trying to match the energy of the boy in front of him, “How the fuu-rick” He corrected himself, glancing at the lady at her desk, “Do you even pronounce her full name, Val-” He made a garbled noise, and laughed.

The tour of the school didn’t take long, but it wasn’t fun either, it had a simple layout that Tommy would be able to memorize within a week, if he lasted that long. Before he was dropped off at his 2nd period, he missed the first, Quackity spun around, “You got a phone I can put my number in? I’m on the student council, so I’m around more often than not,” 

Tommy pulled it out of the bottom of his bag, “That’s kinda sus… I’m 14, perv,” he laughed when Quackity jumped to defend himself, typing in a contact name for the guy, ‘ _ big Q _ ’, before handing it over. 

“Daaamn, your phone’s fucked, you put  _ tape _ on the screen?” Quick goodbyes were exchanged before Tommy turned to enter the classroom, sigh falling out of his lips. New school, new peers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry this chapter took so long to get out!! My motivation went Not Stonks, but!! :D I'm back to working on this fic! I'm also writing like 27 one-shots atm and i'm- Self Imposed Stress B Like.
> 
> Remember to take your meds, grab a small snack, and drink some water! If your shoulders or jaw are tensed, loosen them! Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a good night/day :)


	6. Mmmmm filler <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey what's up! It's been 2 months, so here's 800 words of Literally Just Filler. 
> 
> CWs: Tommy panics a little, nothing serious, and stimming

In  _ every single fucking class _ , before lunch, Tommy had to stand up in front of his peers, and introduce himself. A simple ‘ _ Tommy Walker, pleasure to meet you ladies _ ’ with a wink worked in the four classes he had so far, he even got a few laughs out of some of his peers. 

It was easy for Tommy to find the cafeteria when lunch finally rolled around, and even easier to avoid picking up food from the lunchladies. There was no way he was gonna make himself sick today. 

What was hard, though, was trying to figure out where to sit. It was a big school, and he couldn’t spot his foster siblings in the mass of students bustling around. So, Tommy stood int he doorway for a bit, other kids pushing past him, each time they touched him, his throat got a little tighter. They probably thought he was a freak or something-

A kid - way taller than him, with split dyed hair, and a mask that covered the bottom of his face - stopped in front of Tommy, and smiled, “I remember you! You’re the new kid in my physics class!” He shoved a gloved hand towards him, which Tommy raised an eyebrow at, “My name is Ranboo,”

“Tommy. You gotta stick up yer ass or something? This ain’t a business meeting, mate,” He pushed down Ranboo’s hand, and laughed, “You really stuck to the black and white theme huh?” Tommy nodded to the teen’s gloves, which he shoved into his pocket almost immediately, but he couldn’t tuck away his black and white mismatching sneakers.

“Well- I dyed my hair, and uh- you know?” Trying desperately to change the subject, Ranboo straightened up, “Uh! Do you wanna sit with me? I sit in the library, it’s quiet and stuff… you looked like you didn’t wanna hang around here, ‘n it gets louder,”

Tommy shrugged, “Lead the way, Sia,” 

Ranboo laughed at that, and pushed up his glasses. “If only we- er, I could sing! Then I’d really be Sia,” The walk to the library was short, just one right and one left, “Oh! By the way, other people eat here often too, though we all leave each other alone! Sometimes Eret comes and sits with me though, he’s the president of the GSA!” The blonde nodded. 

They both sat down at a table in the back, and fell into a silence. Ranboo looked like he wanted to say something, wringing his hands together. Tommy just pulled out his phone and sent a text to Tubbo, scrolling through his phone. 

Everyone in the room looked up when the library doors opened, but Tommy just beamed when Quackity was the one who walked through the doors, “EEEEEEEEY BIG Q!” Ranboo’s shoulders jumped up to his ears, and the blonde shot him an apologetic look.

“THOMASSSSSSSSS!” His whisper-yell could be heard through the library, and both of them were shushed by a librarian who looked way too dead to be working, “Where were ya man?! I was in the caf’ looking for you,” 

Tommy shot his thumb back, pointing at Ranboo, “This e-boy impersonator grabbed me instead,” 

“I- it’s Ranboo!” He stood up, untucking his knees from under the table, holding his hand out to Quackity, who nodded, and took his hand.

The elder narrowed his eyes, “You’re a tall mother fucker! What’re they feedin’ kids these days?!” He pulled back his hand, and flopped down on a chair, “We sittin’ here for lunch? The chairs are better than the caf’s, fuck yeah,”

They both sat down again, and Tommy started flapping his hands absently, “I was in the caf for two seconds before heading out, it seems fucked,” Quackity shrugs, and looks at the table.

“Which one of ya didn’t get lunch?” Ranboo pointed at Tommy, the fuckin’ snitch, and Quackity fished a nature’s valley bar out of his pocket, “You’re a growing boy! And itty bitty growing boy! Eat, now,” The blonde let out a long groan, but unwrapped the bar, taking a bite. “Since you’re with the Watson’s that means you’re a foster kid yeah? You get free lunch, take advantage of that,”

“Jus’ wasn’t hungry, you can get off my ass about it,” Quackity narrowed his eyes, but didn’t say anything else on the topic.

“I’m takin’ you to the park after school, you needa made friends, I know a good few fuckers, Ranboo’s coming too,” Ranboo raised his eyebrows, “If you don’t got a curfew or anything,”

He shook his head, and smiled, “Uh- no! I don’t. Just wasn’t expecting- like to be asked out! Not that this is a date I know that- asked to be hung-” Ranboo pauses, “I wasn’t expecting to be offered to be hung out with?” Tommy burst into laughter that made everyone in the library turn to look at them, and Quackity joined in. “I tried,”

Quackity claps his shoulder, “It happens to the best of us,” he said, just as the bell went off, “Meet me by the big tree out front, I’ll convince Schlatt to give us all a ride over, kay?” The two nodded as Quackity left, and Ranboo scampered off pretty soon after to his next class, flashing Tommy a small smile, and a promise to be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jskdfhdskjf I'm so so so sorry this took so long to come out, i've been dealing with some Stuff(TM) and sdjfhsdkjfhds
> 
> Please remeber to: Take ur meds! Drink some water! Grab a snack! Stretch out!   
> ily all<3 /p

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a good relationship with my social worker, but I wanted to give Tommy someone who was in her corner so matter what :((, it's what he fucking DESERVES!!
> 
> I'm gonna be going through some of my trauma though this fic, so it'll get rough!! If you stick around tho, I promise there's gonna be a happy ending! I'll try to update every two weeks, because you know. I gotta,,, actually write sometimes. 
> 
> Please take your meds, drink some water, and grab a snack! Make sure your jaw is unclenched, your shoulders are loose, and take a few breaths! Ily all! <3 <3 <3 <3


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